The Man I Married; by Asibor Hilary Osoria.
My name is Shaw, I am 54 years old. This is my True Life Story.
I met this guy sometime in May 2007 through my late husband. This man happened to be my husband’s closest friend and confidant who became part of my family as a result of the closeness. We were very close and I got to know him as a very humble man. During my mourning period he was very supportive and was always available for my family. Even when my husband’s family tried to rubbish me and keep me in the dark, not wanting me to know the next plan of action, he, my late husband’s friend was always by me.
After the mourning period, as expected, I was frustrated and confused. I prayed and cried. My husband with all the plans he had for us his family, died so prematurely though he was ill for long. A lot of people suggested that Joe, my husband’s closest friend should marry me, even though my husband’s family strongly kicked against the idea on the ground that their late brother kept a lot of wealth for us and they are in the best position to decide who marries me and consequently controls our family business.
The battle was tough but eventually the elders of both families (my husband’s and mine) sat down and decided that I should be given the opportunity to make a choice. They also suggested to me as a way of recommendation that Joe is the best for me, being that he has worked with my husband diligently and understood my husband’s plan for my family.
I decided to hear from him, to see if he could really convince me beyond reasonable doubt that he will be a great husband. We met several times and I got to know a lot about him. He happens to come from a humble background. He is a caring person and fun to be with.
Eventually we got married in May 2010.
He had earlier on played the role of a father to my kids while my husband was very ill and I was impressed.
Along the line, I started seeing some personal traits that was not obvious in the beginning. For instance, he does not respond to family issues on time. When I have issues with neighbours, even when they beat our kids outside, he will never bulge. I complained of this attitude severally but he always ignored me. Many times, my kids were sent away from school because of school fees and other times because of very poor performance in exams.
Now it has been four years since we got married. I have checked our general condition as a family and I came to realise that we have not made much progress after all. Our family wealth has been distributed amongst those who stood by my present husband during the death of my late husband. They have virtually left nothing for my children and me. My kids fall sick regularly and never have access to good medical care. My first son failed WAEC and my findings showed that it was because we could not afford good lesson teacher for him, unlike our neighbour’s son who had 7As and 3Bs in same exams.
With all these in my mind, I have become very cold towards him. He has refused to change but he never fails to say sorry for not doing the right things even when everything is under is command. I am sick and tired of complaining without any changes.
Lest I forget, there is this man who has always asked for my hand in marriage, even before I met my late husband. But I have remained sceptical about him. Something tells me that he will be a bully and will turn our relationship to that of a good master and servant. I feel this way about him because he was my late sister’s husband. Though, my sister and her family were always protected by him from neighbours and intruders. He never failed to flog any child that misbehaved even when his wife begged for mercy on the child’s behalf.
He always paid his children’s school fees and he always made sure that everybody had access to medical care. Nobody complained of lack but you will be thought a lesson if you wasted a grain of rice.
My sister’s problem with him was that he never allowed her to buy expensive jewelleries. She was not allowed to spend her holidays in expensive cities around the world even when they could afford it, and was always interested in how she spends the family money. My sister never liked it.
But I noticed that my sister was always happy and had a very high self-esteem. She never complained of neglect, not even for once. She never complained that her husband was seeing someone else. She said her husband always let her know before spending money from their family purse. At a point we felt her husband was over working himself for his family.
In 2009 while my late husband was still alive, some miscreants came threatening my family and requesting that we should start living our life in a certain way. They were so serious with the threat to the extent that one of my late husband’s security men was killed. This did not go down well with my late husband so he ordered for the arrest of the gang leader. But during his arrest, he was killed by friends and colleagues of my husband’s security man who was earlier killed by the gang. The death of this gang leader brought a sudden stop to the threat and misbehaviour of those miscreants.
Disaster struck!
Few years down the line, after the death of my late husband, the group came back with an unprecedented force with the aim of putting my family on bended knees. They killed many of my present husband’s security men. They destroyed our properties and caused great fear in my family. At this point, we were unable to go on with our daily activities without fear. Our finance started to nose-dive.
Now, instead of my husband to seat down and plan on how to tackle these guys, he will rather start trading blames. He blames his problem on anybody that criticises his miscalculated decisions.
Today, most of our business partners have stopped doing business with us. Some say our environment is no longer secure, while others accuse my husband of corruption and lack of management skill.
Moment of decision,
In our culture, a woman is expected to review her marriage every four years and decide whether to continue or marry someone else. This happens to be the year and I am deeply worried, not knowing what to do. Should I give my husband another four years or marry my late sister’s husband?
Please advise.
This Writer is a Nigerian based in Nigeria, he can be reached via chlimited247gmail. chlimited247@gmail.com
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